Kitchen Table Revolutionaries

How Women’s Circles of Support Changed Everything

The 1960s and 1970s were a period of significant change for women, and I had a front-row seat to what would ignite the torch of the equality revolution. While we have made progress, we still confront threats to our identities and our quest for equality.

When my mom told me she felt guilty for not doing more to advance women’s rights, it broke my heart. They were the generation that lit the match. Their courage paved the way for the opportunities we have today.

Thank you to all the women who bravely defied the odds and entered spaces where they weren’t welcome -- places where men, threatened by them, made sure to let them know.

What can we learn from what they started? Misogyny and patriarchy run deep, and my generation has a significant amount of work ahead of us. We must carry the torch they ignited, not for our own sake but also for future generations of women and minorities.

Let me take you back to where it all began.

Smoke Signals of Change

When I was young, my mom wasn’t a regular smoker, but when her female friends came over, they would sit at the kitchen table, chain-smoking and talking for hours. I overheard snippets of conversations where women discussed how to take action at work, in society, and in their friendships with other women to promote equality for their gender. My dad was also a feminist who championed equal rights for women, which further influenced my upbringing. Those kitchen table discussions shaped more than just policies; they shaped daughters like me who grew up believing in equality.

The women I knew were breaking free from traditional societal boundaries and stepping outside their comfort zones to take on equal roles. My mom went to law school and became a lawyer at the age of 35. Her friend, Cathey, entered politics and served for many years as a state representative before becoming a Congresswoman. Their friend Elaine worked as a lobbyist. I paged for Cathey and other women lawmakers for several years, and it was evident that there were still far too few women in these roles. I can’t recall a single female professor my dad worked with, only one or two other women attorneys who worked with my mom, and there were barely a handful of female politicians. And all my doctors were men.

What I didn't realize then, but understand deeply now as a coach who empowers women, was how those kitchen table conversations would shape not just my generation, but also create a template for how women could support one another while stepping into their power.

Today, I help create modern versions of those kitchen tables. Sometimes it’s a book club where women discover their voices. Sometimes they're empowerment groups where women learn to trust their instincts. Sometimes they're one-on-one coaching sessions where women finally give themselves permission to want more. The locations have changed, but the revolution continues.

What I also didn't realize then was how subtle the patriarchy's messages could be, even in a feminist household.

Growing Up Equal – Or So I Thought

There was never any question in our house whether women should be treated equally to men; it was a fundamental belief. Despite this, I often played small and held myself back, even though I had larger ambitions. This proves the messages that women should shrink are out there, because I definitely wasn’t getting them at home.

It wasn’t until I found an excellent therapist that I uncovered how I had been hiding. I had always feared standing out, worried about being labeled arrogant or a fraud. But the truth was, I was more of a fraud because I stayed hidden.

I realized that one of the things holding women back is that the stronger their voices become, the more scared many men get that women will start demanding to be treated as equals. So, the stronger the patriarchy tightens its grip.

And the subtle ways they’ve done so are why women remain stuck. We compare ourselves to others. We never think we’re enough. We let fear keep us from speaking up. We don’t often stand together in numbers. Stepping into our power and discovering who we really are is how we jump over these hurdles.

I played a lot of sports growing up, and I distinctly remember a time when I heard about the weight room at our high school gym. I wanted to try it out but a gruff old white male coach told me that weights weren’t for girls. I didn’t speak up then. I would now.

When my clients tell me they're 'not ready' for leadership roles, I hear echoes of that gruff voice telling me the weight room wasn't for girls. But now I know: we were always ready. We just needed someone to hold space while we discovered our own strength.

While I was learning about equality in theory, my body became another frontier in the revolution. The messages about taking up less space - both physically and metaphorically - came from unexpected places.

The Body Battlefield

Women have body expectations placed on them from a young age. Whether it’s from a family member, friends, or society at large (from “ideal” body images in magazine photos to celebrities on screens).

The journey to reclaiming our bodies is both personal and political. I didn’t grow up in a larger body and my parents never commented on my size, even when I put on 40 pounds over four years of college, but when my grandmother said, 'you would be so pretty if you just lost 20 pounds,' she was echoing generations of conditioning. My pre-teen response after she criticized my clothes one day - 'Who do you love, Grandma; me, or my clothes?' - was an early spark of revolution.

In my coaching practice, I see how these early messages shape women's lives:

- The woman afraid to lift weights for fear of “bulking up.”

- The artist too scared to share her work because of judgment.

- The entrepreneur too worried to network because she doesn't feel 'presentable enough.'

My own path through powerlifting showed me something transformative: strength isn't about shrinking.

In Shannon Watts empowering and thought-provoking new book, “Fired Up: How to Turn Your Spark into a Flame and Come Alive at Any Age,” she writes, “Strength is the bold power to face challenges head-on with courage, determination, and resilience. But it’s also the quiet compassion, patience, and ability to trust your desire and lean into your vulnerability. Most of all, it’s a profound, unstoppable belief in yourself. The energy your desire generates doesn’t depend on the actions of anyone else or your circumstances. It comes solely from inside you; your inner strength becomes outer strength.” She’s right on, and I would add that throughout my weightlifting journey, I have also discovered that outer physical strength can also be a catalyst for inner strength.

When I started lifting in my late 30s, competing at 45, I discovered that physical power creates emotional resilience.

I now watch my clients experience the same transformation:

- A woman deadlifting her bodyweight and suddenly asking for a raise.

- A former 'good girl' learning to take up space, both in the gym and in her life.

- An older woman using her stronger muscles to stand more confidently in a power pose and commanding space.

These physical transformations inspire me to empower women to discover the strength they already have inside them.

Watching these women gradually shed the belief that they needed to have smaller bodies and focus instead on lifting heavier weights was truly inspiring. It motivated me to promote emotional strength outside the gym. Now I’m joining the ranks of other women’s rights activists, hoping to carry this message to every woman I meet. For me, it all begins with health and wellness. It’s difficult to figure out how we want to share our voices with the world if we don’t prioritize our physical and mental well-being first.

Each of these small steps brought me closer to feeling more empowered and inspired to put myself out there. I was gradually starting to figure out how I wanted to play a bigger role and what steps I could take to achieve that. What began as a focus on physical goals also evolved into a quest to discover my emotional strength and to challenge other areas of my life.

My journey from powerlifting to empowerment coaching taught me something crucial: when women reclaim their bodies, they often find their voice. But physical strength is just the beginning of the transformation.

Discovery Comes from Lots of Sources

Through my work with an incredible therapist and Tara Mohr’s transformative book, “Playing Big: Practical Wisdom for Women Who Want to Speak Up, Create, and Lead,” I began to realize that I had been playing small in my life, and this realization left me feeling extremely frustrated. For the first time, I started to examine my own role in allowing the patriarchy to dictate my worth and my decisions to hold back. I had always taken pride in living outside the constraints of societal concepts in many ways, such as choosing not to pursue a traditional career or have children, but now I felt inspired to carry forward the legacy that my mom and her friends had created and share it with the world!

My journey through therapy helped me move on from playing the “good girl” role and embrace a larger version of myself. Now, as I sit across from my clients, I can see the same passion for change that ignited at my mother’s kitchen table - the desire for something more.

Keeping the Torch Ablaze

Personal transformation is powerful, but as my mother's generation understood, true change happens when women support each other. Today's revolution may look different, but the principles remain the same.

Recognizing our power is one thing; using it effectively is another. Just as the kitchen table revolutionaries had to determine their next steps, today's women also need practical ways to move forward.

How can we continue carrying the torch while inspiring future generations without burning out? Through my work with women, I have uncovered some essential truths:

* Self-care isn’t selfish. We can’t contribute to the revolution if we’re exhausted.

When my mom's generation gathered at kitchen tables, they were creating radical acts of self-care - claiming space and time for themselves. Today, I teach women that self-care is revolutionary. It's not about bubble baths (though those are nice); it's about:

- Claiming time for your dreams.

- Setting boundaries without guilt.

- Recognizing that your well-being matters as much as everyone else's.

* Deprogramming ourselves.

Once we begin to recognize how the system has conditioned us to stay small, we can begin to challenge the messages.

- We people-please because we want to be liked.

- We feel guilty or uncomfortable taking time for ourselves, so we keep busy.

- We believe we need to look a certain way to gain acceptance.

- We hesitate to speak up for fear of appearing arrogant or unsure of ourselves.

Deprogramming will not be easy, especially since many of the messages we’ve been spoon-fed are subtle. And I, for one, am sometimes confronted with shame when I recognize how I’ve unwittingly allowed those messages to shape me. This process can be uncomfortable, but it is necessary for moving forward.

In our book clubs and empowerment groups, women often have their first 'aha' moment when they realize:

- They're not alone in their struggles.

- Their 'good girl' conditioning isn't their fault.

- They can rewrite these rules together.

* Seeking help + lending an ear = connection!

Many emotions are likely to arise as we do this work. It can be incredibly beneficial to find someone or a supportive group who can listen to you without judgment while you do the work of expressing your thoughts and feelings. Additionally, it's important to be that same active listener for someone else. Vulnerability fosters connection, and these connections provide support when you find the weight of the world bearing down on you or when you're ready to pursue bigger goals.

* Core values exploration

Understanding what truly matters to us helps us live authentically. For example, one of my biggest core values is kindness, and you’ll see it in every interaction I have with another person. Another one is empowering others by helping them recognize their existing strengths and letting them know they’re valued simply for being a human.

Things to keep in mind as you discover your core values:

- Instead of asking 'Who am I?' start with 'What matters to me?'

- Notice what makes you lose track of time.

- Identify what angers you - it often points to your deepest values.

Here’s a valuable exercise to consider on your journey of self-discovery: ask others what they see as your strengths or most admirable qualities. These attributes often come as naturally as brushing our teeth or taking a shower (at least I hope those do!), which means we might not recognize them as clearly as others do. Gaining an outside perspective on how others perceive our behaviors can provide valuable insights into our core values. I was prompted to do this exercise in a course I attended, and it ultimately reinforced what I believed to be some of my strongest core values. It was truly enlightening!

* Tuning into your strengths

Focusing on where your strengths lie and where you want to direct your energy can help you discover where to invest your time. It also helps you focus on moving forward instead of getting stuck focusing on what’s holding you back.

* Intuition

Trust your gut instincts. If something doesn’t feel right, listen to it. And when you don’t have a strong grasp on what your intuition is telling you, let your network of women be there to guide you.

* Baby steps.

All-or-nothing thinking is common, but change doesn’t happen all at once. If we expect it to happen immediately, we can easily become overwhelmed and give up. For years, I held myself back because I wanted to change the world by empowering millions of women. When I couldn’t find a way to do that, I felt stuck. It wasn’t until I met one woman who shared my vision, and then another, that I realized I wasn't alone. Slowly, I began to gather women, one by one, to be part of this movement.

The thought of becoming a board-certified health and wellness coach felt overwhelming, and I almost talked myself out of it. But once I released my need for a specific outcome and concentrated on each small step of the journey, I found enjoyment in the process from beginning to end.

* Fun and Joy!

We only have a limited amount of bandwidth to do this kind of heavy work. Catherine Price’s The Power of Fun reminds us that playfulness, connection, and flow are just as crucial as the work. These things refresh us, allowing us to return to the business at hand feeling more rested, invigorated, and alive.

* A Different Way

The way forward involves breaking free from patriarchal rules and forging our own path, ignoring their attempts to keep us fearful and diminished. Together, we’ll be too big and too powerful to keep down.

Let go of the need to get ahead in the traditionally aggressive, masculine way, such as climbing the corporate ladder at the expense of others. I appreciate Kristen Neff’s perspective on yin and yang energy. We all possess both qualities, and we need them to take action—planting seeds (yang energy) and nurturing them to help them grow (yin energy). This can involve leading with empathy, taking compassionate and purposeful action, and supporting others as they put themselves out there.

* Set boundaries

Women often experience burnout because we’ve been conditioned to be everything to everyone. We have to work harder than men to prove ourselves and we’re not allowed to “fail” without losing our jobs. Then we come home and take care of family obligations with little to no help. Taking time for ourselves feels foreign and shameful. And that’s exactly how the patriarchy wants us to feel so they can keep us from discovering who we are and demanding more.

Learn what boundaries you need to start putting in place, then get comfortable with enforcing them.

* Self-Dialogue Log

We need to quiet the negative self-talk we’ve learned from a lifelong diet of criticism and societal expectations. It's important to practice self-compassion, grace, and unconditional love as we learn to listen to ourselves, discover our voices, and determine what we want and how to achieve it.

Here’s a technique I’ve discovered over the years to quiet negative self-talk, which is always present: if you can calm your mind long enough to silence the voices that tell you that you’re not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, or not determined or driven enough, you can shift your focus to utilizing a growth mindset or a beginner's mindset. By fully engaging in the task at hand—whatever it may be—you can prevent those negative voices from holding you back.

It may sound unusual, but I’ve learned that it is possible to change my perspective during conversations. Instead of worrying about whether the other person thinks I’m not smart enough or unattractive, I can ask myself, “What do I think about them?” Alternatively, I can focus entirely on having engaging banter, leaving no space for self-doubt.

When I’m writing, instead of fixating on the need for everything to sound perfect, I can reframe my thoughts to consider, “What’s the most effective way to express what I want to say?” This approach allows me to enter a flow state and concentrate solely on my work rather than on the fear of imperfection.

Creating Modern Kitchen Tables

* Collaborating to build networks of women and men committed to the cause.

These networks will be crucial for carrying the torch. We cannot succeed without standing together. I used to believe I could manage everything on my own, but I realize now how mistaken that was. When we work together, we have built-in support, allowing us to tackle challenges without having to do it all alone. We have people cheering us on, offering help, and reminding us that we are not alone. This collaboration enables us to take on much more. We can pass the torch to others when we need a break, knowing that the support we’ve built will be there. Conversely, we can pick up the torch when we feel energized and assist someone else who may need a pause. Together, we can carry the torch and create a larger flame that has the power to change the world.

Establish women’s support networks, whether they are large or small! Amplify your voices together! That could look like advocating for women's issues by participating in protests and engaging with lawmakers, and it can also look like sharing your own story with the world or asserting your need for personal time.

I've witnessed amazing transformations when women come together to form circles of support:

- Fellow coaches collaborating to find clients while helping one another through various stages of growth.

- Book club members who evolved into each other's career advisors.

- Women who met in my empowerment groups and subsequently launched their own initiatives or businesses.

Kitchen Table Questions:

- If you had your own kitchen table revolution, what would you discuss?

- Who would be there?

- What changes would you dream up together?

My latest step in this movement is serving under Shannon Watt’s national women’s empowerment endeavor as a leader for a local group I’ve recently created, while I continue to guide women in focusing on their health and wellness goals, finding their inner spirit, and tapping into their longings. I’ll be participating in Shannon’s year-long Firestarter program to continue finding ways to listen to my inner voice and step even further into the world with it, while slowly introducing it in bigger ways, and helping others do the same.

Shining On Your Terms

The revolution doesn't look the same for everyone. Some women in my groups discover they want to:

- Start businesses that honor their values.

- Redefine success beyond traditional metrics.

- Create new models of leadership that combine strength with empathy.

The key is finding your authentic path, not following someone else's blueprint.

The Courage Inventory

Take a step back to reflect on the ways you’ve already used courage to move forward.

- List three times you spoke up, even in a small way.

- Note what supported you in those moments.

- Identify one tiny step toward your next brave act.

These ideas only begin to explore how we can embrace our power. To create lasting change for ourselves and future generations, it must continue with us.

Each woman working towards transformation creates significant change, leading to networks of women and massive collective power.

The revolution that started at my mother's kitchen table continues in:

- Zoom rooms where women support each other's dreams.

- Book clubs where we question old narratives.

- Gyms where we discover our strength.

- Coaching sessions where we rewrite our stories.

- Empowerment groups where we create change together.

One woman at a time, we're building networks of support and power.

Today, there are thousands of kitchen tables, literal and virtual, where women gather to:

- Question the old rules.

- Support each other's growth.

- Create new models of success.

- Pass the flame forward.

And to every woman reading this: your kitchen table is waiting. Whether it's a morning coffee with a supportive friend, a virtual meetup with like-minded souls, or an empowerment group where you can fully be yourself - your revolution starts now.

Every small step, every tiny revolution, every kitchen table conversation adds to our collective power. When my mom and her friends gathered to change the world, they couldn't have known how far their influence would reach.

I want to express gratitude to my mom and her fierce female friends for lighting that torch so many years ago. And if the torch gets too heavy, we’re going to keep carrying it together so we can pass it on and work toward achieving equality, no matter how long it takes.