Why Are We So Scared to Engage?

I’ve been trying to build a community of like-minded women (and men who support them and believe in women’s equality), and I’ve come to realize that creating this community isn’t as easy as I thought. The truth is, I’m not exactly sure what women need from a community like this. Sure, we all need support. We need a safe space to define ourselves, to speak up for ourselves. But as a health and wellness coach, I’ve learned that working one-on-one with women is where the magic happens. We dive deep into their core values, what drives them, and how to take small action steps toward their goals.

While writing has always been one of my biggest passions, I’ve been feeling like something is missing lately. I think it’s the one-on-one interaction. The real, face-to-face connection that allows us to reflect, share, and engage in a way that’s not possible through just writing. But how do we create that in a group setting?

The Power of Interaction

I can write down my thoughts and ask questions to get you thinking. But what’s missing is the interaction between people. That’s where the gold is hiding. So, I’m jumping onto Substack to ask, “What do you need from a community like this?” And you might not have the answer right now, and honestly, neither do I. But I’ve been craving this kind of community for a long time, and I think that’s why I’m so desperately trying to create it myself.

If you’re reading this, chances are you’re as frustrated as I am about what’s happening in this country—especially when it comes to women’s rights. This administration is trying to send us back to the 1700s, and I’m pretty sure none of us want that. So what do we need from each other? How can we best support one another?

What’s Holding Us Back?

I’m genuinely asking for your responses, because I want to shape this Substack space to fit what you need. What would make you feel safe enough to engage? What would inspire you to speak up, to share your voice, to take small actions toward your own empowerment?

I think it’s vital to help women build and own their voices so we can rise together. There’s such strength in numbers, but I’m not seeing much engagement in these communities. Why is that? Is it because we still feel safer being invisible? Do we not trust these "safe" spaces? Are we afraid we won’t like the people in these groups, or that we won’t be able to walk away if it’s not right for us?

I think we’ve all been silent for too long, even when we find spaces that welcome us to explore ourselves. So, what will it take for more women to fully engage in these communities?

The Magic of Community

The magic happens when we interact with others. We feel seen, heard, and human because we realize that others are going through similar situations. Compassion grows in community. And when we share that compassion with others, it often leads to compassion for ourselves. As Kristen Neff teaches, the three components of self-compassion—mindfulness, common humanity, and kindness—can be found in both solitary work and community.

I’ve seen the "a-ha" moments time and again when working with clients, the realization that they already have what they need within them. It can be difficult to come to these realizations on our own, but when we’re with others, they see what we might be missing, and they point it out for us.

The Power of Small Steps and Group Support

When we take small steps to know ourselves, we benefit immensely from being in a group of people who have our backs, cheering us on without all the self-imposed expectations. It’s in those moments when we stop worrying about getting everything perfect and start doing that we make progress.

When women come together to empower each other (instead of tearing each other down), progress is inevitable. Courage begets courage. Fear fades. The anxiety around getting it "right" disappears. It becomes about showing up, not about getting everything perfect.

Finding Your Tribe

Personalities clash, and that’s okay. We’re all human. We don’t have to get along with everyone. Just like in a marriage or any relationship, we need to find the people we mesh with to make it work. If enough women are showing up, we’ll all find the right people for us—people who make us feel heard, people who are willing to be vulnerable, and people who want to have reciprocal conversations.

Don’t stress about getting along with everyone. Instead, focus on discovering and respecting your boundaries. Practice implementing them. That’s how you’ll find people who fit your community.

The Introvert-Extrovert Dynamic

I’m an extroverted introvert. This means if I’m with the right people, I’m energized, and I could hang out all day. But with the wrong people, I’m crawling out of my skin and can’t wait to be alone. Even introverts can figure out ways to engage with others that feel comfortable to them. And extroverts—well, you might need to listen a little more than you talk. There’s work to be done on both sides.

Engage Together, Change Together

Change doesn’t happen in isolation. It happens when we act together. For example, if you want to lose weight or move your body more, you need buy-in from the people around you. You need the community to help support you. So, find those people. Engage in these communities!

At worst, you walk away and learn something about yourself—why that group didn’t work for you. At best, you’ve just helped create a community that has your back. Even if you’re scared, how can you show the community in your own small way that you want to be involved? That’s how we get the ball rolling and start creating safety to show up as ourselves.

Moving Past the Fear of Visibility

My own fear with visibility comes from not wanting to sound stupid or arrogant. I worry about getting things wrong or not saying things perfectly. Women aren’t allowed to get it wrong. Men get to mess up all the time, but for us, the standards are sky-high, and we feel like we have to get it right on the first try—or not bother at all.

We need to give ourselves (and each other) the grace to try and fail. That’s how we grow. When we’re in a community that lets us do that, we become unstoppable because we’re constantly evolving.

The Power of Engaging in Your Cause

If you’re feeling stuck, start small. Find something you’re passionate about—maybe women’s empowerment, maybe something else like saving the planet or supporting a cause that’s meaningful to you. Find a group that resonates with you and engage in it. At first, it might feel overwhelming, but the key is to take action with like-minded people. That’s how we move from overwhelm to action.

Call to Action: What’s Next for You?

What’s the next step for you? What’s one small action you can take today to start engaging in a community? Maybe it’s just reading other people’s comments for now, until you’re ready to share your own. What would your ideal group look like? What do you need from a community to feel safe and supported?

I’m asking for your thoughts. Share your responses with me so I can help create a community that works for all of us. I truly believe that together, we can rise. Together, we can find our voices and make a real impact. Let’s make it happen.